It’s Saturday morning here in CHItown; Lake Michigan is matching the sky above it; gray hues and faint wisps of light permeate the horizon. As I sit here with my large mug of coffee, I am aware of a lesson I learned today, and I would like to tell you about it.
Over the past few weeks there is something that I have been desperately wanting to occur. I have thought about it, ruminated, looked at it sideways, then turned it just ever so slightly on an angle, all the while unaware of what was REALLY going on.
I had focused my attention so specifically on this one thing happening, that I became anxious about it. I thought over and over again, “It must happen, it has to happen, what if it doesn’t happen; no, it will, stop thinking about it.” I had not the faintest notion that what I was actually doing was pushing ‘up stream’; I wasn’t going with the flow. I wasn’t letting things unfold as they should. I was completely and unequivocally attached to the outcome. I didn’t let it gently evolve to where it was ‘supposed’ to go; I gave it my undivided, nervous attention. To me I thought, well, this has to happen! And then…………..it didn’t.
I was dumbfounded. How could it not have happened when I gave it so much of my undivided attention? And herein lies the lesson: I was so busy trying to make it happen that I was blissfully unaware of my inability to be OKAY with whatever transpired. I did not understand that the real ‘prize’ was accepting what is, not what I ‘had’ to have happen.
I once read that, “Disruption is the rude awakening”. It took me forever to finally figure out what that meant. Today I have a gentle reminder that when we realize we are gripping too tight with our wants and wishes, we are doing the exact opposite of what we should be doing; that is, letting our thoughts simply go with the flow. The ‘disruption’ in my case, was the collection of anxious thoughts; it was a rather ‘rude awakening’, as it jolted me into realizing that hey, I went about this in the entirely wrong direction. The only successful beings to go against the flow are salmon; they swim against the stream’s flow; otherwise, the rest of us need to be reminded that our canoes always, always take us to the correct destinations when we simply relax and remove our nervous thoughts relating to what we “must” have happen. I am also reminded to be extremely grateful for all of the blessings that I have; truly, I am grateful to be grateful! *LOL*
And so, as I sit here on this grayish Saturday morning, I realize my canoe was pointed in the wrong direction. Readjusting my seat, I’m back in the flow of the current. Life lesson understood (until the next time I need reminding)!! *grin* P.S. Thank you, Mum; I love you!
The Chicago Files 