FYI: Canucks do not call it, “Canadian Bacon” :)

You don’t really put vinegar on your french fries, do you?  Well sure, sometimes, but if you are an American, I bet you most certainly do not partake in shaking this sour sauce on your fries!  Ah the illustrious and often humorous differences in the cultures of our two fine nations!  In many cases, the verbiage for Canadians and Americans is at opposite ends of the dictionary to describe the same item.  Case in point:  elastics versus rubber bands.  The first time I asked my husband to hand me an elastic, I think he thought my waistband had become unseemly and needed a repair!  He looked at me, and I looked at him looking at me.  Had I experienced a momentary lapse of lucidity and produced an ungodly word from my lips? No, it was just that ‘ol, “we don’t call it that here” conversation!

I began to wonder how many other words and/or phrases changed their tune when stepping south of the 49th parallel that I now call home.  It is interesting to me how many words people simply take for granted that, “this IS what it’s called” not, “this is what WE call it, how about you?”  Then again, why would you question what you KNOW is an eavestrough by thinking about it in any other terms? Ah, I can see the Americans shaking their heads (including my husband:  I just asked him if he’s ever had anything stuck in an eavestrough).  Yes, the elastic/rubber band look just showed up.  An eavestrough is what Americans call, “gutters”; you know, those metal contraptions that hang from the rooftops to catch rain or snow and carry it down to the ground.

As a first in what I hope will be a series of posts on this interesting subject, I present you with two little stories.  The first is written using words and phrases found in the minds and hearts of Canadians.  The second story is identical in terms of its content; however, the “Canadian” words and phrases are replaced with “American” equivalents.  See how many you are familiar with in both stories. Let’s begin, eh!  Huh?  Okay!

It was a cloudy, stormy, melancholy kind of day, but I didn’t want to miss my lunch date with Patty.  I decided to stop by an ABM before heading to Boston Pizza.  It was Remembrance Day, and I had just placed my last loonie in the Legion’s box to get a poppy.  As I arrived at BP, Patty was waiting outside.  “Hey Patty, why aren’t you inside?” I asked.  “The hydro went out, so we can’t go in!” was the reply.  Patty commented, “I have to drop off a cheque at the drop-off box outside the Curling Arena and Community Centre.  It isn’t far from here, so let’s walk over there and come back to see what’s up with the hydro.”

“By the way, Patty” I noted, “I’m buying lunch today.” Patty replied, “Well that’s good, because all I have is Canadian Tire money!”  We both laughed, thinking how funny it would be to give the server some money from the C-Tire!  After dropping off the cheque, we headed back to Boston Pizza; as luck would have it, the hydro had been restored.  Hallelujah!

We ordered a delicious pizza with back bacon, pepperoni, mushrooms, and a large pop.  Just as I was about to take my second slice of pizza, the entire wedge dropped straight into my lap.  “Oh great!” I moaned.  As our server coincidentally walked by I motioned to her, and in a desperate voice I cried, “Please, may I have some more serviettes?”  “Oh, quite a spill, eh?” she retorted.  After I cleaned up my mishap, I noticed the server had brought us our bill.  As I reached for my purse, I realized I needed some change for the tip.  I signaled our server and enquired, “Do you have change for a ten?” She answered, “Did you want a five and two toonies and a loonie, two fives, or a five and five loonies?” I responded, “I’ll have a five and two toonies and a loonie, please.”

After lunch, we decided to head over to Timmies.  We didn’t feel like going inside so I offered to get our order and bring it back to the car. I mentioned to Patty that I felt like having a double-double and some Timbits; Patty wanted some Timbits and a tea.  “Hey, my mum got a new Chesterfield!” Patty said.  “Oh yeah, eh?” I replied.  “What colour is it?” I asked.  “Mauve” she commented, “and she already spilled Kraft Dinner on it!” I replied, “Hey, my neighbour did the same thing on Victoria Day.”  “The KD went everywhere!” Patty asked me if that was the same neighbour whose daughter sells Girl Guide cookies.  I told her no, that was the neighbour who works for Westjet and provided me a great Seat Sale last winter to Hawaii.  I reminded Patty that there was a hockey game on tonight and I better head home.

By this time I had to go to the washroom and clean up my pizza adorned shirt which now had a lovely accompaniment of a few splashes from my Timmies.  Patty proceeded to the parkade closest to The Bay where I immediately ran inside and found a washroom.  Ah, it’s been a good day anyway, eh!

And now for something slightly different:

It was a cloudy, stormy, melancholy kind of day, but I didn’t want to miss my lunch date with Patty.  I decided to stop by an ATM before heading to Pizza Hut.  It was Veterans Day, and I had just placed my last dollar bill in the American Legion’s Donation Box.  As I arrived at The Hut, Patty was waiting outside.  “Hey Patty, why aren’t you inside?” I asked.  “The power went out, so we can’t go in!” was the reply.  Patty commented, “I have to drop off a check at the drop-off box outside the Community Center.  It isn’t far from here, so let’s walk over there and come back to see what’s up with the power.”

“By the way, Patty” I noted, “I’m buying lunch today.” Patty replied, “Well that’s good, because all I have is a Susan B. Anthony!”  We both laughed, thinking how funny it would be to give the server a silver dollar coin!  After dropping off the check, we headed back to The Hut; as luck would have it, the electricity had been restored.  Hallelujah!

We ordered a delicious pizza with Canadian bacon, pepperoni, and mushrooms, and a large soda.  Just as I was about to take my second slice of pizza, the entire wedge dropped straight into my lap.  “Oh great!” I moaned.  As our server coincidentally walked by I motioned to her, and in a desperate voice I cried, “Please, may I have some more napkins?”  “Oh, quite a spill, huh?” she replied.  After I cleaned up my mishap, I noticed the server had brought us our check.  As I reached for my purse, I realized I needed some change for the tip.  I signaled our server and asked, “Do you have change for a ten?” She replied, “Did you want two fives, or a five and five ones?” I responded, “I’ll have a five and five ones, please!”

After lunch, we decided to head over to Dunkin’ Donuts.  We didn’t feel like going inside so I offered to get our order and bring it back to the car. I mentioned to Patty that today I felt like having a coffee with cream and some Munchkins; Patty wanted some Munchkins and a tea.  “Hey, my mom got a new couch” Patty said.  “Oh she needed a new one, huh?” I replied.  “What color is it?” I asked.  “Mauve” she commented, “And she already spilled macaroni and cheese on it!” I replied, “Hey, my neighbor did the same thing on Memorial Day.”  “The mac and cheese went everywhere!” Patty asked me if that was the same neighbor whose daughter sells Girl Scout cookies.  I told her no, that was the neighbor who works for United and got me a great deal on tickets to Hawaii last winter.  I reminded Patty there was a basketball game on tonight and I better head home.

By this time I had to go to the restroom and clean up my pizza adorned shirt which now had a lovely accompaniment of a few splashes from my coffee.  Patty proceeded to the parking lot closest to Macy’s where I immediately ran inside and found a restroom.  Ah, I bet you can tell it’s been a good day, huh?